


If you ask me to stay

by Laramie



Series: Things you said [7]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 05:36:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4775624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laramie/pseuds/Laramie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The morning after the night before, as written in <i>Things you said after it was over</i>. You don't have to read that to understand this but seeing as it's only 31 words long you might as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If you ask me to stay

**November 1923**

Jimmy woke up anxious, but it took him a few seconds to work out why his heart seemed to have lodged itself in the back of his throat. He had _known_ Thomas last night, in the biblical sense. Or maybe not so biblical.

They had spent a month kissing and touching, and last night Jimmy had thought he was ready for more. Thomas had been gentle with him, letting him take the lead. And it had been amazing.  Which was terrifying. Jimmy had _done it_ now, and _enjoyed_ it. He had broken the law. If anyone found out, he could go to prison - or worse. Oh God, if anyone found out…

Even as he robotically threw back the covers, Jimmy was considering feigning illness and hiding away in his bedroom all day. But there would still be tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that, the rest of his life when he could never take back or undo that he had done _that_ with Thomas. It would haunt him for the rest of his days, no matter what he said to Thomas now, whether Thomas still wanted him or not. And if Thomas _didn’t_ want him, what then? Would Jimmy be left constantly in his power, Thomas holding the knowledge that could lead to his ruination?

As Jimmy was knotting his tie, yanking it with enough force to hurt his neck, a knock sounded at his door. _It's the police_ , was his first, irrational thought; but he calmed himself and went to answer the knock.

Of course, it was Thomas, looking nervous. His face only fell as he saw Jimmy, so Jimmy's thoughts must have been written clearly in his expression.

"May I come in for a moment?" Thomas asked.

Jimmy jerked his shoulders and walked stiffly into his own room, leaving the door open. Thomas followed him inside, closing the door behind himself.

"What do you want?" Jimmy readjusted his tie as he spoke, his fingers clumsy.

"I want to see how you are," Thomas said, his voice gentle, as though he were talking to a startled horse.

For some reason he could not articulate, Jimmy found that irritating. "Fine," he said shortly.

"You look it."

Jimmy glared into his perfect face.

"What's troubling you?" Thomas asked.

" _You_ ," Jimmy said. " _You're_ troubling me, so just leave me alone."

Despite the pain in Thomas's face, evidenced by the tears glimmering in his eyes, Thomas's voice was calm as he said: "It's all right if you're afraid."

"Is it?!" Jimmy said wildly, far louder than was wise. "Well that's all right then because I'm terrified! I _can't do this_ but I've already _done_ it and if you leave me I'll _still_ have done it!"

"You can't end it because you're afraid of me leaving you," Thomas said steadily. "That's ludicrous."

Jimmy sagged. "I know." He shrugged sadly, searching Thomas's eyes for an answer. "Tell me what to do, then."

"I can't just tell you," Thomas said, his voice breaking for the first time. "I want you to want and choose this as much as I do. It's up to you, but I can't keep waiting for you on a knife-edge. Tell me to go and I will but if you ask me to stay I promise I'll never leave you again."

Jimmy took a deep breath and let it out slowly, loosening his tie as he dropped his eyes from the intensity of Thomas's gaze. "Stay, then."

"I will," Thomas promised. "Now let me fix your tie, you're making a complete hash of it."

"Sorry, Mr Barrow," Jimmy said with a weak smile as Thomas stepped forward and took hold of the strangling piece of fabric around his neck. "I suppose I shouldn't be in such a mess in front of the under-butler, should I?"

"Not when I'll be seeing you at such _very_ close quarters." Thomas made sure that the knot was straight before smoothing his palms across Jimmy's shoulders. "There. Perfect."

Jimmy looked into his face and said, very quietly: "Thank you."

**Author's Note:**

> Jembu23 prompted from a post: "Tell me to go and I will, but if you ask me to stay I'll never leave you again."


End file.
